How Slovenia Wins the World Cup

Take the 32 countries that qualified for the World Cup and have each represented by an iconic living cultural figure rather than 23 footballers, and here are the results:

Group A:
1. Uruguay — Eduardo Galeano
2. South Africa — Archbishop Desmond Tutu
3. Mexico — Alejandro Gonzales Inarritu
4. France — Guy Baudrillard

Group B:
1. Nigeria — Fela Kuti. (Yes, I know we said “living”; consider this the equivalent of age cheating)
2. South Korea — Rain
3. Greece — Theodoros Angelopolous
4. Argentina — Che Guevara (Not the real Che, but the T-shirt image)

Group C:
1. Slovenia — Slavoj Zizek
2. England — Elvis Costello
3. USA — Bruce Springsteen
4. Algeria — Cheb Khaled

Group D:
1. Serbia — Emir Kusturica
2. Germany — Gunther Grass
3. Australia — Peter Carey
4. Ghana — Anthony Appiah

Group E:
1. Japan — Hayao Miyazaki
2. Cameroon — Manu Dibango
3. Denmark — Lars Von Trier
4. Holland — Johan Cruyff (the cranky post football cultural commentator)

Group F:
1. New Zealand — Jane Campion
2. Slovakia — Martin Skrtel (the cultural critic)
3. Paraguay — Monica Gonzalez
4. Italy — Bernardo Bertolucci

Group G:
1. Portugal — Jose Saramago
2. North Korea — Kim Jong-il
3. Cote D’Ivoire — Alpha Blondy
4. Brazil — Hector Babenco

Group H:
1. Chile — Roberto Bolanos
2. Spain — Pedro Almodovar
3. Switzerland — Jean-Luc Godard
4. Honduras — Karla Lara

Round of 16:

Eduardo Galeano (Uru) 3 Rain (SoKo) 0
Slavoj Zizek (Slov) 3 Gunther Grass 3 a.e.t. Zizeks wins 5-4 on penalties
Emir Kusturica (Serb) 2 Elvis Costello (Eng) 1
Archbishop Tutu (SA) 3 Fela Kuti (Nig) 1
Hayao Miyazaki (Jap) 12 Martin Skrtel (Slovak) 0
Jose Saramago (Por) 4 Pedro Almodovar (Sp) 2
Jane Campion (NZ) 4 Manu Dibangu (Cam) 3
Roberto Bolanos (Chile) 3 Kim Jong-Il (NoKo) 1


Hayao Miyazaki (Jap) 2 Jose Saramago (Por) 3
Eduardo Galeano (Uru) 2 Slavoj Zizek (Slovenia) 4
Archbishop Desmond Tutu (SA) 2 Emir Kusturica (Serb) 3
Jane Campion (NZ) 3 Roberto Bolanos (Chile) 2


Saramago 3 Zizek 3 a.e.t. (Zizek wins 3-2 on penalties)
Kusturica 3 Campion 1

Final: Zizek (Slovenia) 3 Kusturica (Serbia) 1

This entry was posted in Rebellion Into Money. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to How Slovenia Wins the World Cup

  1. Rojo says:

    First of all, WTF are you talking about??

    And secondly, dude, seriously, Galeano and Fela in the finals w/ Fela scoring a last second win w/ his horn. Just too fast for Galeano’s pen, as powerful an instrument as that is.

  2. Rojo says:

    P.S. I despise Zizek. A sloppy, contradictory, and far too self-congratulatory thinker, if you ask me.

  3. Now THIS is a World Cup that I’d travel to South Africa to see, vuvuzela in hand. And to Rojo, with all due respect, I’d say that Zizek, like Sartre before him, isn’t so much sloppy as he is disrespectful of conventional wisdom wherever he finds it.

    This irritates all sorts of people, even when he’s right, but right or wrong, he’s far more entertaining to read than any of the dead souls usually presented to us as cultural bellwethers. As for self-regarding, show me a public intellectual who isn’t self-regarding. It’s a sartorial necessity, like a golfer’s chartreuse trousers.

  4. Nell says:

    Gunther Grass, srsly? There’s no more vibrant cultural figure to represent Germany?

  5. Sean Smith says:

    Maybe if Jean Baudrillard had’ve shown up instead of Guy, France could’ve “replicated” it’s successes of past World Cups?

  6. edy winarto says:

    Football is a sport of fun. I like to travel. I love beauty, especially natural beauty. Web site I also explore the natural beauty of Indonesia, Indonesian culture, tourism indonesia.Please visit my web site at http://www.edi.winarto with google search engine.

  7. Tony says:

    Who Spam comment this web again I will report your website to google to be Deindex.

    Tony Karon.

  8. Maybe if Jean Baudrillard had’ve shown up instead of Guy, France could’ve “replicated” it’s successes of past World Cups?

  9. I think the coach owes the success of Slovenia.

  10. France could’ve “replicated” it’s successes of past World Cups? Nice of this

  11. It’s nice Tony karon.

  12. CLEVELAND (AP)Isaac Redman replaced an injured Rashard Mendenhall and ran fora touchdown as Pittsburgh limped into the AFC playoffs with a 13-9win Sunday over Cleveland, the Steelers’ 16th victory in 17 gamesagainst the Browns.Redman scored on a 7-yard run in the third quarter for theSteelers (12-4), who finished tied with Baltimore for first in theAFC North but lost the tiebreaker because the Ravens beat themtwice.The Steelers had to survive two fumbles by Redman in the secondhalf and a pass into the end zone by the Browns (4-12) on the finalplay that was batted down.Mendenhall hurt his right knee in the first quarter on a shortrun and didn’t return. His status for the postseason isunknown.Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger passed for 221 yardson a severely sprained ankle.

  13. Authentic Rolando McClain Jersey says:

    ad_slug_table a {text-decoration:none;} Just like ManningJ Whether it was because of Desmond Bishop Jersey Tebow stepping up, or the Bears’ defense going soft Troy Polamalu Jersey down the stretch, Chicago let another victory slip through their Authentic Vernon Davis Jersey graspsAnd for all those fans worried that the Broncos’ boss isn’t completely soldon Tim Tebow and might put the unorthodox quarterback on the trading block thiswinter, relax Aqib Talib: Headed to IR Update:Talib (hamstring) is heading to injured reserve, the Buccaneers’ official site reports Bills 4-1 at home (including win over Washington at Toronto), and haven’t won five home games since 2004A trio of 1-yard scoring runs gave Newton 13 TDs rushing, onemore than New England’s Steve Grogan had in 1976

  14. Have you ever seen a NFL player, a bodybuilder, and a wrestler look better than a sprinter, swimmer, or boxer? Me neither, so please consider seriously whether

  15. Benjamin says:

    Benjamin klinus is the lost character

  16. hannah anisa says:

    I think the coach owes the success of Slovenia.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *